Good Grief

Grief : noun// deep sorrow, especially that is caused by someones death;

informal: trouble or annoyance

Grief can take many different forms. We all have experienced it, and have had to navigate through grief in our own ways. Grief can be what you feel when a child continually is pulling at your leg, grief can be in the form of losing a loved one or any kind of loss, and these are just to name a couple. Before we know it, grief can consume us, transform us, and take root inside us. If we chose to allow it, it can heal us, and transform us more and more into Gods image. However, grief can weigh us down, consume us, and eventually cause us to live outside the fruits of the spirit. Either form, grief is a way The Lord can grow, sanctify, and build on our relationship with Him. In the past month I have experienced both these forms of grief. I do know, I am not alone. Many dear friends also have been experiencing these forms of grief amidst the pandemic we are currently living in.

"Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also." Psalm 31:9

For starters, I would like to start out by saying I am not a home school mom in any form of the sense. My security in being a good enough teacher for my children is definitely low. I know I know... God would sustain me, He would give me the knowledge and they would be fine. Many continue to tell this to me, that however, doesn't negate the fact I have self doubt and fear in my capabilities. Yes, I recognize it as a sin struggle, I do deal with it, and continue to try to sanctify through it. Jared and I have made the choice for our household that for now, our kids will go to public school. However, we do not like to "plan" what a day, year, or ten could bring, and The Lord could change our hearts on that. He most likely has with my husband. As I do not want this to turn into a debate over homeschooling or not, because 99% of my dearest friends do, and I think it is phenomenal, this isn't what this specific blog is about today. What I want to more convey is the fact my kids are at school a huge chunk of the day normally. With that being said, please don't think for one second that I love them being gone all day, because that's not it. I love my kids, and have cherished this precious time the Lord has blessed us with. Honestly, I have been really patient, calm, and humbled by the work God has done in me through this. Yes, in me more than anything. Since March I have not been without my kids, well maybe a handful of hours to grab essential groceries, but other than that its been me and my small gang. Which is completely fine. Again not complaining. There have been moments, however, that I am helping one with work, another needing a drink, and a whiny teething baby only wanting to be held, and somehow it all needs to happen at the very same moment...shocking I know!

That is when I have internal Good Grief scream. Ahhhhh Lord, help me not freak out externally! This is hard Lord, and I can only do this with your Holy Spirit. I can truly say there have been times, many if I'm being real here, in my life as a mother, that I have even had to step out of a room or situation and cry out to Him and truly allow Him to refresh my mind and soul to His spirit. Lets face it, moms are pretty much a true living super hero. Avengers who? Momtastics Assemble! However, there are times when we forget who needs to be running the show, and how we get our super mom powers in the first place. That is when we let those good grief moments come out, we snap, yell, shut down, and are not useful for our family or the Kingdom. We don't rely on God to sustain us. We rely on our own strengths. God is our power source, He is the only way we can make it in these moments, He is who rejuvenates our inner core to empower us to be "Godtastics" not just "Momtastics"! There are many times though, that we tend to believe we are those untouchable super heroes that can do anything, and not the imperfect "mom" God created in us. Who in fact needs Him just as much if not more than our kiddos do. I'm constantly learning how to get out of the good grief kids, to mommy needs Jesus, kids stage! My "good grief" child moments are less and less as I continually submit to this season of life God has me in. That only can happen when I submit to Christ and His Holy spirit to lead, not Lindsay, but God. I believe, as moms, we need to come to a realization that we can step away. We can take a breath, pray and regroup away from our children or even our spouses. Children will appreciate a calm, spirit filled mom, over a frustrated, good grief mom who lets her emotions lead her words and actions. We all fail, fall short, and that is alright. The key is, what do we do after those moments in time? Kids cherish our apologies, vulnerability, humility, and it reminds them we are fallen humans just as much as they are. Parents, moms especially, tend to forget how far an apology and repentance can go to little ears, but mostly their hearts. They appreciate the humility more than any of us could anticipate or realize. Our kids will see that we need as much grace from them as the deserve from us, and even more from God. As we try to raise them up in the knowledge of an all loving, gracious Heavenly Father, we need to show He is that in our lives as well. Moms, please don't forget to give yourself grace as well. He gives it freely, just remember to receive it. We just need to extend it to ourselves!

"and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love." 2 Peter 1:6-7

The second form of grief I have experienced is deep sorrow, with a lot of sadness. The kind of grief we tend to think of most when hearing the word. This season our family, on my mothers side, has been hit with grief in the form of loss. I am half Hispanic. I mention this only to explain the next few sentences. The culture is hard for many to understand, even my husband is still learning. One of the greatest attributes of this culture to me is the love of the family. Family means the world to the culture. Anyone with this background reading this can attest. My mother comes from a family of 10 siblings. So you could only imagine the amount of cousins I have and continue to get. Growing up my family was really close with one of my moms sisters. We did a lot together, silver lake trips, getting together constantly, sleepovers, and just do life together as my cousins and us were all around the same age. It was awesome to have cousins to grow up with who were friends. As we have aged, lives continue to move on, and it is harder for everyone to get together. It wasn't as easily done as when our family was "somewhat" small, but the bond and love never changes. We move, start our own families, different traditions in each home, and just plain busy in life happens. One thing never changes, and that is that unconditional love we all have for each other. The past few years I've realized, and I mean one day it just hit me, I am getting older so that means my other family members are as well. That was, and is a very hard reality for me. My mothers side has really good genes, like I mean really good genes. Everyone looks at the very least 10 yrs younger than they truly are. By the grace of God, there has been no deaths related to health, accidental, unexpectedly to any of the 10 siblings in my moms immediate family. Their parents passed before any of them, which most would wish to happen that way. Everyone for the most part has always remained healthy. Crazy huh?! Well, that had all changed a couple years back. One of the sisters was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. It shook the family to the core. My aunt is a fighter and beat it, and was in remission for quite some time. Fast forward to now and Covid, everyone's normal has changed. During quarantine we all received the devastating news that my aunts cancer returned and worse than before. Grief hit and it hit hard! This was both forms of grief for me. Good grief why now?!?!? During quarantine Lord? How are any of us suppose to go to her? Be with her? Visit her? I had that annoyance grief. My grief turned selfish. Wasn't long after that, my grief turned to the deep sorrow. Memories of being at her house all the time, her putting me in "time out" (her and my inside joke) , trips with them and just having lunch at her favorite place all flooded my heart. Grief. Sorrow. Pain. The Lord then reminded me of the times since her diagnosis we shared memories, her texts I have, her and my conversations about God. He started to transform my grief to good grief. He was getting ready to take her home, and He would free her of all her pain, and who was I to be so selfish about that? The thing is, this life is so temporal, and we tend to forget that. Quarantine has forced many people and families to evaluate their priorities, and for me realize that I do take a lot of people and things for granted. I tend to think there is an unlimited amount of time to make a phone call, stop by and visit, or even grab a coffee. Well, unfortunately there just isn't.

"a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;" Ecclesiastes 3:3

My aunt was given 6 months, so we all continued praying, and hopefully all this quarantine will be done and we could spend time with her. That just wasn't the case. The decline happened quickly. We were allowed to all come together to say our goodbyes through a window. Not to downplay my forever thankful attitude to that opportunity, but it was still one of the hardest things I have had to do. I was able to remind her of Gods promises, but she already knew, and I visibly seen peace in her eyes. A peace past understanding. She was asking us all to not cry for her, and that she was fine. Good Grief! The rest of that day the battle inside me continued between griefs. It wasn't an easy day for me, and if I'm being honest either were the few days after. I was mourning. To add to the grief I was already trying to navigate through, we learned that a different uncle was diagnosed with Covid 19 at the same time. Good Grief?! We received the devastating news 2 days later that he had passed. Three days later my aunt had taken her final breath here on Earth. GOOD GRIEF!!!! My moments in this grief come in waves, but I hold onto her being with The Lord and I can only imagine! Loss in any form is hard. During Covid 19, and being quarantined, it brings a different level of grief. Families aren't able to celebrate a loved ones life, show condolences in person, hug, gather and just love on each other, and this has been hard for not only our family, but others I have talked with. With continual stats of who's dying from Covid, we can tend to forget that many are still dying from car accidents, cancer, and even old age and other forms. There is life still happening outside of the Covid pandemic, and it is filled with all different forms of grief.

"for Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas wordy grief produces death" 2 Corinthians 7:10

In closing, we all have, will or maybe right now are in some form of grief in our lives, even more during this new season. The challenge we have, especially us as followers of Christ, is to turn it over to God. Seek comfort and strength from the Lord. Let others come around and help carry the burden of grief. If it is a spouse, friend, or anyone you have, let them pray, comfort, and walk you through the grief. We all have a different grieving processes, but we need not do it alone. Seek Christ first for strength. This also is where brothers and sisters in Christ are truly a blessing, and my family has felt that firsthand with the outpouring of love, support and prayers. Grief in any form is hard, but remember we aren't alone.

"Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!" 1 Chronicles 16:11

"so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another" Romans 12:5

Prayer for Today,

Lord,

I ask that you help me turn all forms of grief to you. May all of us continue to hold onto the comfort that only comes from you. Father our minds can never cope with all the sorrow we feel, see, and encounter here on Earth, but if our minds are fixed on you, we will find true peace. Lord, I ask that those in need of comfort today, that you wrap your arms around them now. I ask that you place people in their lives who can help point them to you. Father God, we know you have a plan with all circumstances we face. When it comes to life and death, whether it's sudden, slow or unimaginable and mostly unexpected loss Lord, please help us grasp an understanding. Father please help us hold onto your promises! Lord help me be a comfort to those I need to be, and pray for those who may have no hope in circumstances as these. May they see you in me always Lord. Father God thank you for continually loving me when at times I don't understand what your purpose is. I love you Father.

Amen

By His Grace,

Lindsay Storm